Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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