wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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