So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
