you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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