Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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