she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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