honey bunches of taint.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
