Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
