I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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