this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
