I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
