you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
