he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
