i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
its liver damage thursday
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