Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
