I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's never too late to be topless.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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