Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
