i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
