THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
