I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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