I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
