i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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