i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
