Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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