somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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