and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
