Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
