After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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