we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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