the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
