Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he fucked my hip out of place.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
