Please, let me fuck your mom
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
