OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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