Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
