Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
