I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
