my vag is so smooth its legendary
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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