I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
