I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Randomize
