what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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