I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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