covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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