weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He passed out mid-signature
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
