my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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