I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
