I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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