Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
