with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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