actually, I'm a sock model
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
