So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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