They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
